FORMULATE QUESTIONS CORRECTLY
Most people ask themselves just stupid questions. Unwanted questions divert your attention from what you want, to what you don’t want. And, since we mentally ask ourselves and answer every day, our questions have a huge impact on our results.
Here is an example of weak issues in contrasting them with strong questions:
Being in an unfamiliar life situation
Weak: What should I do to not look like an idiot? What should I talk about? How can I stay calm and avoid being too shy? How did I get in this situation? Will I get out of it?
Strong: Maybe it will be fun and allow me to meet new people? If I see that someone is timid, what can I do to make him / her feel more confident?
Feeling depressed, anxious, or otherwise negative emotions
Weak: Why am I so bad? Why can’t I be happy? Why do I never have enough time for myself?
Strong: What should I do to recharge my energy? Who can I talk to, who could cheer me up? What could inspire me: what book or music? All these emotions seem to prompt me to something, maybe start to write them down? How long will I have to wear a mock smile before I start feeling good again?
What is the difference?
Loose weak questions inspire uncertainty. They make us concentrate on our ego, our problems and our shortcomings. Silent questions keep your attention on what is wrong, on what is not working. It may not seem so bad, but it only aggravates the situation you are trying to change. Weak questions make our brain look for answers that are useless, make us go in cycles.
Among other things, weak questions become habit. At first glance it may seem that they help, and that is why they are so insidious. You only think that you are depressed. The best thing you can do is ask “why am I so depressed”? Perhaps if you recognized the problem, you could deal with it. But this is not happening. Being in a negative state or situation, you cannot begin to think clearly from the very beginning.
You are not able to diagnose the problem yourself. In fact, you are blind. Therefore, the answers you generate are worth nothing. At best, you only have temporary solutions, but what lies at the base does not change, and the problem only goes under water and re-emerges to the surface after a while, perhaps in a completely different form. By asking yourself why you are depressed, you are only fueling your depression. Answering the question why, you are building all the new floors of your depression. This leads you away from acknowledging your depression and trying to change something.
Strong questions inspire. They help you focus on the decision, and on what you are able to control. When you think about what you can do, analysis paralysis does not encompass you. The way out of the negative situation – the right mindset. Wrong thinking leads you around. Right thinking encourages action.
Returning to the example of depression, the first thing to do is to move to a more positive emotional state. In fact, this can be done in a matter of minutes or even seconds, for example, if you have studied NLP. Decisive questions will help you shift your attention from depression and thoughts that strengthen it to activity. If you think too much about what is beyond your control or what you do not like, depression will be a natural consequence. If you start asking yourself other questions aimed at what you can control and what you like, depression will recede.
Mediocre results tend to follow mediocre questions. Good results follow strong questions. If you are not satisfied with your progress, try to address with completely different questions to those whom you usually ask. Ask questions that will direct your attention to your goal, rather than distracting you from it. Ask questions that will allow you to get more pleasure from life, and not those that increase the suffering.